dioburandou:

[texts back three years later] haha not much what about you

paradisaic:

I can’t go to parties because I turn into a pumpkin at midnight

trxpicals:

my laptop is warmer than my heart 

(Source: trxpicals)

Potential employer: so what's your availabil-
Me: I AM AVAILABLE ALL THE TIME. ANY DAY. ALL HOURS. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO PLEASE HIRE ME

elflizard:

Best $1.85 I have ever spent.

pleasecornetobrazil:

"omg why are you crying?" "the economy, bro"

babyferaligator:

hey i heard u like bad girls, i dont mean to brag or anything but im really really bad. at everything.

(Source: 420dongsquad)

vitalizinq:

The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them

(Source: simpl-ic-ity)

strugglefuck:

SOMEONE HACKED THE CONSTRUCTION SIGN NEAR MY HOUSE AND IT GOT ON THE FUCKING NEWS GOD BLESS FLORIDA

strugglefuck:

SOMEONE HACKED THE CONSTRUCTION SIGN NEAR MY HOUSE AND IT GOT ON THE FUCKING NEWS GOD BLESS FLORIDA

hamsterangst:

WHENEVER I TOUCH CEILINGS I FEEL REALLY POWERFUL